what happens when....

well, the last few weeks theres been trouble brewing. yet again i cannot thank Mistress enough for Her wisdom, patience, guidance and constant reassurance after yet another, this time major panic attack.

it all started on friday, Mistress, Miss Beth and I were at Mistresses chambers, when i just had to leave the room. i ended up in a quivering blubbering heap on the floor in the kitchen, which is amazing as you couldnt even swing a cat in there. after a few minutes to let me simmer, Mistress came in, and that was it. the floodgates opened.

when i do have a panic attack, my body and mind goes into overdrive. every one of my worst fears come into my head, and i think stupid irrational things, from people not caring right up to wanting to end my life. luckily, Mistress could see straight away how bad this one was and was kneeling next to me, letting me just hold on to Her in between sobs and runny noses. i honestly cant remember what caused it or why it happened, i can only assume it was just because i've been so run down recently, and its just came to a fore.

anyway, the cure has been very simple. after everyone had left, i was lying on Mistresses Bondage table trying to gather my thoughts. Mistress laid with me, well, more on top of me, and the next thing i knew, She had put me into a trance. (as you will see from previous blog posts, She has placed many previous hypnotic suggestions, and apparently i go into a trance without any drama!) from what She told me, She removed all the unhappiness and stress and more or less commanded my subconcious to cheer up. apart from a few minor wobbles, its worked! i feel a lot brighter now, but even so, i KNOW that no matter what happens, i will have a panic attack again. its just a matter of when, and what i can do to combat it.

fighting the fight...

Slave J